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Lifetime achievement award goes to Chinese label industry’s founding father
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Lifetime achievement award goes to Chinese label industry’s founding father
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VersaUV Experience Day by Roland DG was successful
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Life & Style
Xerox is splitting their company in two.
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IIJ Beefs-Up Technical Support
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Too funny not to share! Sometimes it does take a rocket scientist!
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back- rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.
NASA responded with a one-line memo, "Defrost the chicken." (True story)
Ellen Neumann
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Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds when they already know you're broke?
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe, you believe them but, if they tell you there is wet paint, you have to touch it to check?
Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the first end you try?
How do those dead bugs get into enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
And my FAVORITE¦
The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends.
If they're OK, then it's you.
Ellen Neumann
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The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS!
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is ... being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Ellen Neumann
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Aengus-O'SnodaighI was tidying up the DPNlive twitter account this morning and fell across the Aengus Ó Snodaigh ‘inkgate’ debacle. In this article I’m going to let you see some of the comments on twitter and the internet. But before I do that, let me give you the stats:
- He used 434 ink cartridges over a two year period
- Each cartridge costs approx. €130, making the total €50,671
- That is 1.25 cents for every man, woman and child in the country.
- The Daily Mail reckons it was capable of printing 3,250,000 letters. Now, as printers, we all know that it is rated at 5% coverage, so lets assume 25% coverage on average. That means he printed about 815,000 letters.
- 815,000 sheets will stretch from Dublin to Cork
- That is 1630 reams of paper, 326 boxes, 9 pallets.
- At €3.50 per ream, that is €5705
- The average TD uses two cartridges per year
- Allowing for a 46 weeks per working year, 5 days a week, 8 hours per day, no breaks setups and clean-ups, that means he is printing at nearly 4 copies per minute.
- The average printed cost per sheet is nearly 7 cents.
- Mary Lou McDonald said "I can guarantee that all of the cartridges used were for the purposes envisaged and that Aengus used them legitimately and correctly in the course of his political work,"
Some of the internet comments:
- 434 toner cartridges? Guess he really was willing to dye for Ireland.
- My own hypothesis is that he printed mugshots of himself and sent them to three million plastic surgeons looking for quotations.
- Its really too easy. Maybe he's printing money, oh no that's the other crowd, Gilmore's pals!
- And anyway Aengus also had to print in Spanish for the Shinners in Columbia.
- Maybe he got the job of printin the IOU's for the ECB. That's take a fair bit of ink! Hey Darwin – good one! I'd say Aengus was printing An Phoblact on the side.
- Come out ye blackened hands, come out and type me like a man
- We're printing day and night in Ballyfermot
- I find it inkredible that he did not have an inkling that he was doing wrong
- Bled Dry said: “An ink cartridge in one hand and a ream of paper in the other....”
- Did anyone check to see if he took toilet rolls too?
- Anyone that wastes that much of their employers money should be fired!
Of course he was supplying friends and family, check the page count on his printer and I bet it will be a fraction of what he says it is.
Such bull, did the person giving them to him, 3 a day, not think eh how can anyone use that much ink?!?- I've been listening to him on newstalk this morning. He keeps saying he was printing out leaflets. I just cant believe him though, I think he must have been supplying friends and family with toner... it's very strange. He has an unfortunate name too doesnt he... I'm not sure if would use the irish version of my name if it was 'snodig'... sorry for bringing down the 'tone'!
- Maybe he's written a book? But of course then he'd have another expense if he wanted to sell it with a free set of crayons.
- No way of knowing how much paper used or how much it cost apparently. The one thing we can be sure of is that the taxpayer paid for the paper too.
- Acursory glance at this pic from irishelectionliterature suggests that AOS favours edge-to-edge or full bleed printing for his newsletters. I'm not aware of any Dell printer (if Pearse Doherty is right, and that's the printer we're talking about) that'll actually produce proper edge-to-edge prints, and if we're talking about inkjets, none of this stuff looks like inkjet printing. It looks like what it probably is - regular offset litho - which isn't going to turn into an inkblotter in the rain. Ignoring the obviously older materials here, and the purely election campaign stuff - which he couldn't print from the office, there's still nothing here that looks like it constitutes part of his massive constituency output.
- ECB prints €500 Bn in new money for European banks. Claims that Aengus O Snodaigh made a killing on selling them the ink are unfounded.
- After using €50,000-worth of ink toner in two years, the Sinn Féin TD Aengus Ó Snodaigh has been dubbed the 'Wolf Toner'.
- So Sinn Fein are going to oppose the referendum. Will Aengus Ó Snodaigh be doing up the posters then?
- We can only hope Aengus Ó Snodaigh doesn't inspire any copycats
- Taoiseach querying if Gerry Adams and Aengus O'Snodaigh went to the Northern Bank to get a loan for cartridges.
- Aengus O Snodaigh has a lot to answer for in terms of productivity lost in offices this morning as staff look to come up with #inkgate puns
- One of the best things to come out of #inkgate is getting the shinners to shut up for a while
- Already dreading "Funny Friday" RE rehashed #inkgate Twitter jokes
- Watergate scandal was nearly 40 years ago. Can't we come up with something more topical not to mention original? #inkgate
- The O Snodaigh family business is book publishing coisceim.ie
- I live in Aengus Ó Snodaigh's constituency and I never got one of his millions of leaflets
- Rachel English on morning_ireland: So you don't think you did anything wrong? Aengus Ó Snodaigh: No, I don't think I did
- Question: Who is Aengus Ó Snodaigh's favourite musician? Níl Toner.
- Im sure Gerry will assure us this was all a pigment of our imaginations
- Sinn Fein have released 25000 copies of a statement denying #inkgate
- Sinn Fein does not point guns says Mary Lou, this cartridge is fully loaded says O Snodaigh
- In 2011 FG claimed €41,407 on ink. With 94 in parliamentary party that's €440.50 each. At that Aengus would be 113 years printing.
- Probably has a contract for supplying the government ink cartridges.
It's been eight years since the Northern Bank job. It's been two days since inkgate. It's a matter of printsiple.
Of course he was supplying friends and family, check the page count on his printer and I bet it will be a fraction of what he says it is. 
cursory glance at this pic from irishelectionliterature suggests that AOS favours edge-to-edge or full bleed printing for his newsletters. I'm not aware of any Dell printer (if Pearse Doherty is right, and that's the printer we're talking about) that'll actually produce proper edge-to-edge prints, and if we're talking about inkjets, none of this stuff looks like inkjet printing. It looks like what it probably is - regular offset litho - which isn't going to turn into an inkblotter in the rain. Ignoring the obviously older materials here, and the purely election campaign stuff - which he couldn't print from the office, there's still nothing here that looks like it constitutes part of his massive constituency output.Now lets see how smart your comments can be.
The best comments will win an excuse to go out for a pint.
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The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're NAKED!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my Love Dress." the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love Dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute." The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left.
On the way home she thought about the Love Dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door.
Finally her husband got home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" He exclaimed.
"This is My Love Dress." She replied.
"Needs ironing." he said.
Ellen Neumann
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