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Written by Administrator

Parent Category: Fun

Category: A Bit of Fun

Created: 29 December 2011

Last Updated: 05 January 2016

User Rating: 0 / 5

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic
gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came
to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this
Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has.
Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does,
you're finished."

The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other
several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian
lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the
dreaded ‘pretzel’ hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and
the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He
couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a long, high pitched scream, and then a cheer from the
crowd and the trainer raised his eyes, just in time to watch the
Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and
the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the
match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he
asked "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it
before!"

The wrestler answered "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in
that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of
testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my
last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies
just as hard as I could."

The trainer exclaimed "That's what finished him off?"

"Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own
nuts!"

Copyright © 2011, DPNLIVE – All Rights Reserved

Details

Written by Administrator

Parent Category: Fun

Category: A Bit of Fun

Created: 29 December 2011

Last Updated: 05 January 2016

User Rating: 0 / 5

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet! 

An 85-year-old man was told by the doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' 

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. 

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,

'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.  Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 

'Then I asked my wife for help.  She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.  She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. 

'We even called up Agnes, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked!

'You asked your neighbour?'   

The old man replied,

'Yep, none of us could get the bloody jar open.'

Ellen Neumann

Copyright © 2011, DPNLIVE – All Rights Reserved

Details

Written by Administrator

Parent Category: Fun

Category: A Bit of Fun

Created: 16 December 2011

Last Updated: 05 January 2016

User Rating: 0 / 5

One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark.

He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was.

She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom.

His mother smiled and said 'The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid'. The little boy opened the back door a little and said 'Lord if you're out there, hand me the broom'.

Ellen Neumann

Copyright © 2011, DPNLIVE – All Rights Reserved

Details

Written by Administrator

Parent Category: Fun

Category: A Bit of Fun

Created: 16 December 2011

Last Updated: 05 January 2016

User Rating: 0 / 5

Kieran was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now Kieran gets pretty annoyed about this and goes on the offensive.

"How do *you* know, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so"

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no-one will know"

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks!" Then he lowers his voice and says to the barman, and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that drunken Nun again is it?"

Ellen Neumann

Copyright © 2011, DPNLIVE – All Rights Reserved