Living Now
Lifetime achievement award goes to Chinese label industry’s founding father
Young people are the future of the sign industry in the UK
HP to showcase new business growth opportunities at photokina 2016
VersaUV Experience Day by Roland DG was successful
Music
Van Morrison Biography
Do you remember when we used to sing, Sha la la la la la la la la la la te da This 68…Neil Sedaka Biography.
The Little Devil that was brought down and found Waking Up Hard to Do. This American…List of UK Singles Chart Christmas number ones from 2014-1952
List of UK Singles Chart Christmas number ones from 2014-1952Biography of Tom Jones
A boy from nowhere still going strong. Pontypridd is not a place that springs to mind…Elmore James (1918-1963)
One of my favourite Blues artists of all time Mr Elmore James was born on January 27,…Cat Stevens - Yusuf Islam Biography
“You can argue with a philosopher, but you can’t argue with a good song”. This 65 year…The Beatles Biography 1970-2013 Part 4 of 4
The Long and Winding Road after Breakup The Beatles 1970-2013 Part 4 of 4 Part 1 can be…The Beatles Biography 1970-2013 Part 3 of 4
The Long and Winding Road after Breakup Part 3 or 4 This is part 3 of a 4 part series on…
Events
Absolute Graphics A Winner
New T3 Affinity display system proves an ‘absolute winner’ for Irish company. One of the…Mimaki UJV55-320 To ‘WoW’ Visitors At Sign & Digital UK
New 3.2m Mimaki UJV55-320 to be put through its paces at exhibition launch. UK based,…Sign & Digital UK 2016 Expands Business Theatre
New seminars will cover interior wall décor, wayfinding and directional signage. Sign &…New Affordable Roll-To-Roll Printer From Mimaki
New UJV55-320 3.2m UV printer expands grand format graphics opportunities. A new, 3.2m…Roland DG returning to Sign & Digital UK 2016
Latest and greatest technology being brought to Sign & Digital UK 2016 Roland DG has…Kiian Digital To Launch Digistar K-Choice At ITMA 2015
Designed for Kyocera print heads and to meet textile Industry standards. Italian based…Antalis Keeps On The Education Trail
Company continues regional educational workshops for printers. Antalis UK has confirmed…Arjowiggins Creative Papers-Mohawk alliance
Antalis offers new business opportunities to digital printers following ground-breaking…
Arts & Entertainment
Lifetime achievement award goes to Chinese label industry’s founding father
Young people are the future of the sign industry in the UK
HP to showcase new business growth opportunities at photokina 2016
VersaUV Experience Day by Roland DG was successful
First Appearance Of MTEX 5032HS In UK
IDS Wins Red Dot Award
Life & Style
Xerox is splitting their company in two.
Soyang Europe Strengthens Sales Team
Burns To Chair New Xerox Company
IIJ Beefs-Up Technical Support
New Technical Service Engineer At Durst UK
Brother Goes Outside ‘The Box’
- Details
- Written by Bob Tallent
- Parent Category: Fun
- Category: True or False
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Defence Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defence Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm
spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch
and sat down beside me!
Defence Attorney:
Did you know him?
Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defence Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defence Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died
some 30 years ago.
Defence Attorney:
What happened next?
Old Lady:
He began to rub me all over of my body.
Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defence Attorney:
Why not?
Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited.
I haven't felt that good in years!
Defence Attorney:
What happened next?
Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down
and told him - 'Take me, young man. Take me now! '
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fool!"
And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.
- Details
- Written by Administrator
- Parent Category: Fun
- Category: True or False
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A priest came to a dying man to read him his last rites.
"Do you reject the devil?" asked the priest.
"This is no time to be making enemies," replied the man.
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- Parent Category: Fun
- Category: True or False
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A Dublin Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought for a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on Grafton Street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,
"Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."
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- Written by ellen neumann
- Parent Category: Fun
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A guy is driving around the back woods of Cavan and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog for Sale'. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the hound replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.
‘In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...
‘But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
‘Ten dollars - This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
‘Because he's a liar - He's never been out of the yard.’
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Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........
‘Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk.’
‘Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon.‘
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon....
Every imaginable kind of cured pork!
‘Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree.’
‘Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget.’
‘Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree.’
And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,
‘Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!’
‘Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it? ‘
‘Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree. Ees...
Ees....
Ees...
Ees...
Ees a ham bush ....’
True or False
The Pope’s Election
There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives paralleled…Glades County Pilot Sees Trailer Being Stolen From His House.
An article on news-press.com caught my eye today. It says that a North Carolina pilot,…Sinking of the TITANIC
On the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic in which 1,509 people died and…What Women Want
What Women Want in a Man When they first start dating 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.…Eating Tips for the Christmas Holidays
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing…I’ve got a bad cold or is it Man Flu?
Bob Tallent Thursday 8th December 2011 I picked up a bad cold last Monday. It’s now…Answers to Brainteasers
The Questions to these answers are in the previous article Answer 1 The base word is…Brainteasers
The answers to these teasers are in the next article Question 1 There is a common English…
Fun
21 things you can only get away with saying at Christmas
The Gay Cowboy
Monastery Life
Can you measure up?
