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Written by Administrator

Parent Category: Life and Style

Category: Personal Development

Created: 01 March 2013

Last Updated: 05 January 2016

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Why it’s critically important to keep

‘topping up the bath’.

With the flight already called, I ran through the terminal like Usain Bolt to catch the link to Newark. I’d barely time to fasten the seat belt before we took off, ignoring the unwelcome stares from other passengers.

Interesting Job:

The project was particularly interesting. Working with a USA based consulting group, we were designing a performance management system for Research Scientists in a pharmaceutical company. Headquartered in New Jersey, they also had a huge operation in Berlin. The Research Scientists felt that the complex nature of their role did not lend itself to measurement. My job, in addition to the technical ‘design’ of the format, was to help overcome resistance to the concept of performance management. I’m sure you’ve been that soldier (scientists don’t have a monopoly on scepticism, just a particularly well argued version).

Lost Wallet:

Safely across the pond, I took a cab for the 40-mile journey to the hotel. Outside, I couldn’t find my wallet. Luckily, some emergency Euro stuffed in the bottom of the briefcase came to the rescue and the driver (reluctantly) accepted it, having overcome his fear that he was being stiffed on the exchange rate. At the check in, the absence of credit cards plus a long story created suspicion. The receptionist must have skipped the ‘Empathy Module’ when he was studying Hotel Management: “You lost your wallet. Well, technically, I suppose it could happen!” Eventually, I got my hands on the room key, by-passing the receptions throat! It was a shaky start to a project with a new client that I’d never met.

Lunch Time:

At lunchtime the next day, still with no money, I outlined the predicament to a German consultant working alongside me. I asked: “Can you buy lunch today, because I have no money”. He said: “Yes, I also have no money”. I tried to explain the difference between being ‘short’ of money and having absolutely zilch. Eventually, with the difference clearly understood, he replied: “You will have to have a small lunch”. I took it to mean that he was tight on cash. On the self-service queue in the canteen I picked up a small bread roll and a side salad that would have looked tiny during the famine. Then my new BFF (best friend forever) bounced over to the table, carrying his lunch. To be honest, I was surprised he was able to manage it single-handedly. Under health and safety regulations, he probably should have requested a forklift to carry a tray that was so overflowing with food. The next day I got money wired in, and could get back to focusing on the job, rather than dealing with enforced Anorexia. The project turned out well and we made solid progress; the researchers signed up to the programme for a trial basis of one year. All was good in the world.

Confidence Loss:

It occurred to me later that I hadn’t just lost my wallet; I’d temporarily lost my confidence. Self-confidence is a personal belief in your ability to manage and complete tasks. It acts as the backdrop to so many undertakings in life. The will to succeed and persevere through occasional setbacks depends heavily on a person’s belief in their ability to cope. Success is seldom just a matter of talent. The reason why some people always land on their feet while others, equally talented, stumble is often based on their underlying confidence. It follows that confidence often makes the difference between winning and losing, in sports and in business. Confident people set larger goals for themselves and commit to their achievement. They do what serves them best and don’t fashion their lives according to the opinions and wishes of others. They are able to manage challenges and differences of opinion effectively without the need to resort to anger or manipulation. Within organizations, while many leaders have self-confidence, the most important thing is whether they have confidence in others and therefore create the conditions in which the people they lead can get the work done and be successful.

Confidence Impact:

I’m normally a reasonably confident person. I like meeting new people and enjoy public speaking (when I know something about the topic). But in New Jersey, when the ‘money’ was removed, the dial was wound back to zero, at least temporarily. I’ve witnessed this so many times in the Coaching role. People hit a speed bump or a series of negative life events and their confidence evaporates. Great players become so-so, tentative and hesitant.

Moving Target:

The central point is that confidence is not a fixed commodity. It’s easy to lose it. You need to keep ‘topping up the bath’ – because normal life pressures cause a ‘confidence leak’. Perhaps you’ve hit one of those low points, an ebb tide where your confidence is not as high. Or perhaps your confidence level was never great to begin with (someone said to me recently “I only have to visit my mother to be reminded of all my imperfections”). Either way, you need to figure out how to get back into a winning frame of mind. Perhaps consider the Help-line as suggested by the Beatles:

“When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody’s help in any way
But now those days are gone, I’m not so self-assured
Now I find, I’ve changed my mind, and opened up that door”

So, do you need to work on your confidence level? The answer to that question is that we probably all need to do this. The normal route to confidence building is to find something that you are really good at (or want to become good at) and enjoy. Put time into developing your skill in that area. And, perhaps take a holiday every now and then, from ‘rescuing the world’. In naval terms, a battleship is for the protection of other ships. The first three duties of a battleship are (a) stay afloat (b) stay afloat & (c) stay afloat. Confidence helps your buoyancy. Make sure that you’re afloat yourself, before putting the lifejackets on everyone else.

By Paul Mooney (Phd)

Mob: 00353 (0) 872439019

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Written by Administrator

Parent Category: Life and Style

Category: Personal Development

Created: 08 February 2013

Last Updated: 05 January 2016

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Free event sponsored by Corel to share creative ideas

techniques and workflow using Corel Painter 12.

Jeremy Sutton-Dance Rehearsal

Jeremy Sutton-Rick and His Buick Beauty

Jeremy Sutton-Cityshapes-Island

Corel Painter Master Jeremy Sutton will be hosting Painter Live! London; a free event to be held on Wednesday 13th February. It’s being billed as an opportunity for budding and veteran digital artists to share creative ideas, techniques and workflow. The Corel-sponsored event will run from 18:30 – 21:30 and be held at the High Commission of Canada, Grosvenor Square, London.

Guests will be able to enjoy live digital painting demonstrations as Jeremy uses Corel Painter 12 with a Wacom tablet to create artworks in a variety of styles and media. He will also share his digital art experience of working from photographs as well as painting from life. The event has been designed to cover two broad themes; “Painting the Passion of Dance from Photo Reference” and “Painting a Portrait from Life” and the evening will finish with a question and answer session as well as a free prize draw. Light refreshments will also be served.

Further details of the event, including a detailed itinerary, map and special offers can be found at www.paintboxtv.com/painter-live

How to Register

Guests must register individually directly with Jeremy and spaces are strictly limited. To request a space, please email the following information to: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it." mce_' + path + '\'' + prefix + ':' + addy35666 + '\'>'+addy_text35666+'<\/a>'; //-->

•        Full name

•        Full address

•        Telephone number and email address

•        Are you a current Painter user? For how long and which version of Painter are you currently using?

•        Do you use a Wacom tablet? Which model/s do you have?

•        Any comments or any questions you’d like to see answered during this presentation?

Beginners Workshop

Jeremy will also run a one-day, hands-on workshop for newcomers to Painter 12 at Corel UK’s headquarters in Maidenhead on Wednesday 20 February. For details of this workshop, including prices, please visit www.paintboxtv.com/interactive-learning/intro-to-painter-uk-2013

Jeremy’s artwork

Examples of Jeremy Sutton’s artwork can be downloaded from the Corel newsroom. Please credit the artist in all publications.

Contact

For more information about Corel Painter or to speak to a member of the product team, please contact:

Daniel Donovan

PR Manager

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Tel: 0044 (0)1628 589 850

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Pictures courtesy of Jeremy Sutton

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Written by Administrator

Parent Category: Life and Style

Category: Personal Development

Created: 18 January 2013

Last Updated: 05 January 2016

User Rating: 0 / 5

Keeping Sane in the Current Environment

Starting-Over-Again“I would like to run away from my life”.

That was how one client described her state of mind when we met. A combination of personal and business upsets meant that the past year had been really tough and it all seemed overwhelming. Her suggestion about the way forward was a fairly common fantasy; abandon everything and start over. I told her that there would be a long queue if that option actually existed.

Against the Tide:

Consider the guy who signs up for a fitness regime. He hits the pool on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and runs on a couple of the other days. After 6 months he stands on the weighting scales to discover that he’s put on three pounds! When you swim against the economic tide, winning can seem impossible. Virulent competition, mind-numbing regulation or any number of other hassles can seem insurmountable. In the current environment it’s difficult to feel good about your managerial skills or even to maintain confidence. But context is everything. While anyone can steer the boat when the sea is calm, it takes an incredible sailor to weather a storm. And, without doubt, we’re coming through the biggest economic storm this country has ever witnessed. If your business is still alive and kicking that’s an achievement. However, when brutal business conditions coincide with a personal crisis, then you have all the elements for a Perfect Storm. And that’s exactly where this particular client found herself.

Fight or Flight?

Many of us have entertained the idea of ‘flight’. We could spend the rest of our days simmering prawns on the Phi Phi Islands in Thailand or working as a *Realtor in southern California. Yes, just dial Aer Lingus and top up that tan. The reality is that during the recession it’s difficult to keep mentally afloat as we are constantly bombarded by negativity and sometimes feel stuck with the life we have. “Ireland forfeits economic independence”; “Double dip recession forecast”; “Longest downturn in modern history” scream out from every media source.

So, if you plumb the depths of despair to the point that you would really like to start all over again, is there anything you can actually do? Here are a couple of simple (not simplistic) steps that just might make sense:

1. Surviving:

Depending on the depth of the issues faced, some people need to talk to their GP/medial Consultant and get some short-term pharmaceutical support. We tend to think of suicide as a teenage phenomenon – but some recent high profile cases have shown this stereotype to be wide of the mark. Where the mental pain is acute, you may need some short-term support (even if you don’t ‘see yourself’ as the type of person who relies on tranquilizers or anti-depressants to get through life). As a child, walking past Grangegorman Mental Hospital, I asked my mother about the high walls. She replied: “That’s to keep all the mad people out of there”. We all need support from time to time. Don’t be afraid to shout for help.

2. Coping:

If the presenting issues are immediate, there is often a need for a short-term coping strategy to ‘get beyond the impasse’. For example, when a range of concerns become jumbled (“I don’t like my wife”; “the kids are underperforming”; “I’m drinking too much”; “My career is going nowhere”) it can be useful to group these and come up with some short-term priority actions. Not everything needs to be sorted today. It’s like the old question: “How do you eat an elephant”? (“One bite at a time”).

3. Support:

It used to be that talking to a counsellor was seen as sign of weakness – a half-step towards a formal admission of mental instability. If ‘real men don’t eat quiche’, then they certainly don’t visit psychotherapists for the talking cure. Executives, both men and women, typically don’t see themselves as ‘needy’ or dependant. But this viewpoint is based on a misnomer. Mental health problems are often best understood as temporary aberrations. If you broke your arm playing tennis there would be zero problem going to the A&E Department to have the bone re-set. In similar vein, sometimes you need a ‘mental re-set’. Don’t be afraid to seek professional support. Spending money on your mental health can be a solid investment. Embrace that L’Oreal tagline: ‘Because you’re worth it’. It’s cheaper and more effective than making best friends with a line of white powder or Captain Morgan.

4. Thriving:

Longer term, it’s definitely useful to have a ‘life plan’ with something broader to aim towards. When the immediate presenting issues have been dealt with, you can begin to look further out the road. Perhaps learn something from the Chinese philosophy which suggests that there are three central elements to happiness (1) Something to do (2) Someone to love (3) Something to look forward to. But you can only get into this ‘swamp draining’ arena, when the crocodiles have been shot! Unfortunately, you can’t skip to Step 4 if the earlier issues are not ‘sorted’.

Does it work?

earned helplessnessNo, not always. Sometimes clients are too busy to be helped or become paralyzed by the problems faced. All you can do is offer support by being there (in the case of friends, doing something ‘nice’ for them without actually intervening can help). Dropping down the gears is the classic sign of depression. Clients who present with depression often have little appetite for life, their energy depleted. It can all seem a bit pointless. Example: when people become unemployed you might anticipate opportunities to paint the house from floor to ceiling, run the marathon or take up night classes. In practice, many people find that it’s a period in their life when they are actually less productive than when they were working full-time.

In a small number of cases, people have been unhappy for so long that they begin to embrace the ‘victim’ role. To use the jargon, they suffer from ‘learned helplessness’ i.e. they are happy being unhappy (one counsellor described it, perhaps a bit cruelly, as follows: “Some of my clients have become addicted to their own misery”). Facing terrible life problems can actually make people feel important or they have been in the victim space for so long they can’t seem to escape. Either way, they impose a terrible burden on themselves by not addressing the issues faced. Thankfully, this is a minority sport.

Moving Forward:

Most people want to get back to ‘normal functioning’ in their lives and tackle the problems faced. If you can relate to any of the descriptions outlined above, take the decision to do something about it. You are the CEO of your own life. That’s the good news. But it also contains the seeds of personal responsibility i.e. you own your own happiness. If you are struggling to make that happen, looking for support is not a sign of weakness, it actually shows maturity and strength.

* A real estate professional who is a member of the NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF REALTORS

Paul MooneyBy Paul Mooney (PHD)

Mob: 00353 (0) 872439019

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Written by Dallas A Dixon

Parent Category: Life and Style

Category: Personal Development

Created: 04 January 2013

Last Updated: 05 January 2016

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The modern day boredom versus

the "old days" boredom. 

by Dallas A Dixon.

Dallas A Dixon Over the past ten years I have heard many children and young people, including my own grandchildren, proclaim that they are BORED. I guess most young people now days would consider me an old man from prehistoric days but as I think back to when I was a young boy, I cannot remember anybody ever saying that they were bored. The only time I heard the word “bored” back then was when some man would say that he had “bored” a hole through a piece of wood or metal.  It is difficult for me to understand why so many children and young people are bored today. Many of them spend hours playing different kinds of sports such as football or tennis, baseball or softball. I hear and see that many children and young people have all the electronic items, such as iPads, mobile phones, iPods, laptops, tablets, electronic games, etc.

In my younger days my buddies and I would draw a circle in the dirt and play a game of marbles or sometimes play cowboys and robbers. Of course, we always had plenty of work to do such as weeding the gardens, mowing the lawns with push mowers, shoveling snow from our sidewalks and some of our neighbors’ sidewalks, and many other chores our parents expected us to complete.

Please do not take me wrong because I believe modern technology is the greatest thing ever and I enjoy it just as much as anybody else but I still wonder why the young people are so bored now days when many of them have all the modern conveniences to entertain themselves.  Sometimes, I believe they are bored because they are having fun all the time. Does that make sense?

I have seen many parents of teenagers mowing the lawns during the summertime, and shoveling snow from the sidewalks and driveways during the winter months. I always think, “Where are their kids and why are they not helping their parents, or else doing the work for their parents? Perhaps, their young sons and daughters are too busy enjoying sports or playing electronic games, or maybe it is because the parents will not tell their children to work.”  I realize that I am from the “old school”, but I still believe that a little hard physical work, along with the fun stuff is good for young people. I believe hard physical work is an important part of the common sense learning experience during a child’s growing up process.

A story of boredom from the past:
About the first time I can remember hearing anybody say that they were bored was during a beautiful Saturday summertime evening when our two daughters were approximately ages 13 and 14. I had arrived home a short time earlier after completing a sixty-hour workweek, and had grabbed a cold can of beer out of the refrigerator, opened the beer can, and sat down in my favorite chair located on the three-season porch. My lovely wife, Rita, joined me on the porch five minutes later and about ten minutes later our daughters sauntered onto the porch. I asked them how their day had been and they replied that there was nothing to do and they were bored.

I had been looking at the wainscoted porch ceiling a few minutes earlier and saw that it was in need of repainting, so I immediately said, “I have a cure for your boredom. I will provide you each with a paint scraper and on Monday morning, you can both begin scraping off the loose paint from this porch ceiling. When you finish that, you can both scrape off the loose paint from the large, wooden, overhead garage door. Those two jobs should keep you busy for several days, maybe even until school begins this fall.” They replied that they did not know how to scrape paint, so I told them that I would gladly show them how to do it but not until the next day.

I awoke early Sunday morning and after drinking a little coffee, I went into the garage, found two paint scrapers, and set them on a table located in our 3-season porch. When we all finished eating breakfast, I handed the girls each a paint scraper and explained to them how to scrape off the loose ceiling paint. Then, we went outside and I showed them what they needed to do on the large overhead garage door. They assured me that they understood and said that they would begin scraping paint the first thing Monday morning.

Miss Nancy book cover I worked another 10-hour day on Monday, and when I arrived home Monday night, I asked the girls how their paint scraping efforts had gone for them. They said that they had spent the entire day, off and on, scraping the porch ceiling and that it was only half-finished. Rita said, “Yes, and a few times the girls became frustrated and scraped across the grain on the wainscoting, which left a few scars in the wood.” I inspected the ceiling and saw several scars located across the wood grain, so I again told the girls to make sure they scraped with the wood grain. I also told them that the part they had finished looked good, other than the scars.

They spent most of the day Tuesday scraping the remainder of the porch ceiling, and eventually moved on to the large overhead garage door. By Thursday evening, our daughters had finished both projects, which meant that I would spend the weekend priming and painting. From that time on, I never heard either one of them say that they were bored. To my recollection, both our daughters began working part-time at Wendy’s restaurant the following spring and continued their employment there while finishing their remaining years of high school.

They worked during the summer months, and during the school years, they worked the weekend and after school hours, but never complained, at least not to me. They both matured into beautiful women and eventually started their own families. Rita and I are very proud of our daughters and their families.

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